Soul Surfing to Freedom

Growing up in a small town on the shorefront of Lake Michigan, I loved to catch the sunset or watch the waves on a windy day. There is something so perplexing about those waves- the up, down, force, withdraw. It seems that in this life we go through a movement like that of water in our own soul. Times of joy, sorrow, rest, grief. When I married over 10 years ago, I entered marriage thinking I understood what “total, fruitful, faithful, and free” really meant. But I soon learned that not even my spouse could fill the voids that my heart so grievously experienced.

The Undercurrents of the Soul

When we welcomed our first daughter, my entire life turned upside down as I found myself no longer able to function, let alone be a mother. It was a terrible feeling as it felt like I had been taken by the undertow of a wave and couldn’t manage to swim up for air- even with all my strength.

What looked like postpartum depression on the surface was really my body crying out for healing, as intrusive thoughts and emotional dysregulation plagued those early months of motherhood. For the next few years I experienced many active symptoms that come with Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome). I was a newly married Catholic woman healing from sexual and emotional trauma that had remained buried for nearly 2 decades until this point in my life. My broken life was beginning to be pieced back together one piece at a time.

From Stormy Sea to Holy Ground

Now that I was married and life was more secure, it was finally safe enough to begin healing. My body was revealing this to me through various physical and emotional symptoms. I later discovered the symptoms had roots and my protective parts kept them hidden away; forgotten, in order to move forward in life. With professional help and dedication, I was able to sit in those difficult feelings, process the unwanted experiences, let God untwist what was twisted, and finally listen to those longings of my soul; to be grounded and rooted in something other than this world and to finally be “set free.” This is a long-term process for many of us, but a great change from what was to what now is.

When I think back to that time of my life, it reminds me of riding a furious wave. It was like the Lord rescued me from this storm I had been in my entire life, not even knowing what resting on solid ground looked like. A storm that stirred up chaos and confusion; harbored addiction, fear, loneliness, shame, and sin. It was all I knew, but He came so that I might know a different way. Jesus came with an ocean of Mercy.

Theology of the Body in Marriage

During those years we were growing our family and trying to remain obedient to the Church in our marriage- particularly to not contracept physically, emotionally, or spiritually from one another. It was difficult to remain faithful during such trying times and we surely didn’t do it perfectly and were quite naive as to what a lot of that really meant, but the Lord saw our efforts.

It wasn’t until I was faced with the reality that when the body is ready to heal, so too is the soul and vice versa. I truly believe our obedience to God in this time helped these symptoms rise to the surface as fasting is a form of purging, and with Catholic Natural Family Planning (NFP) sometimes it requires us to abstain. We were abstaining quite a bit with three small children and back-to-back pregnancies, all while undergoing intensive trauma recovery. This provided a lived-out experience and deeper understanding of the Theology of the Body, especially as a new lense to look at our marriage through. God made us to unite ourselves to Him in spirit and in flesh. We are not just biological creatures; we are also theological creatures and we are inherently good.

The Body Reveals the Soul

St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body states that “…a search for integral beauty, for purity free from every stain; it is a search for perfection that contains… beauty of the soul and body.” We are not merely spirits living in a body; we are embodied. “The unity of a soul and body is so profound that one has to consider the soul to be the ‘form’ of the body… it is because of its spiritual soul that the body made of matter becomes a living, human body; spirit and matter… a single nature” (CCC 365).

Inner Healing & Redemption

The God who made you wants to heal you. He wants you to allow yourself to be unified in body and spirit so He can redeem those deep wounds your body has stored for many years, maybe even decades. None of us are exempt from this infinite desire for eternal joy; this need for total fulfillment. No one person or thing will ever fill that deep void we all have. Only the Lord, in his infinite Wisdom and Mercy, can heal the body through our soul’s deepest desire to be known and loved; ultimately to be set free.

Stop Hurting & Start Healing

Here at The Abundant Catholic we invite you into this new-found freedom. We know it may seem unimaginable to think your life could be different as the circumstances surrounding you may be telling you otherwise. But what If I told you that you can begin now- even in small tangible ways? That change can happen and does happen when we sincerely give our fiat to God. He is a God of order, not disorder, and even as Catholic Christians we fall into disorder more often than we’d like to admit. I know personally what it feels like to experience a longing for freedom and how heavy the chains can feel: they are a great burden. But Christ tells us “my yoke is easy, and my burden light” (Mt 11:30).

Yoke(v.) from Old English geocian “to couple with a yoke, join together”

What does Christ mean by this? He means that when we become “yoked” to Him, we are no longer alone; we are no longer wandering souls who are trying to save ourselves with our lacking strength. He is inviting us to stop hurting and start healing! Christ is saying life can be and will be “light” when we are traveling with him; “yoked” (literally joined together) to Him in this new way. It may feel uncomfortable at first, and that is expected… doing something new can be hard and challenging as it often feels constricting and narrow.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few.”

MATTHEW 7:13-14

The Narrow Way

It is clearly laid out for us: “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life.” Yet in this we have a promise- it leads us to LIFE! This new way we are called to go is not going to be easy; in fact- it will be difficult to pass through. But I can assure you… as Hope assures us- that when you are through the narrow gate and on the new path yoked with Christ: you will begin to experience a new-found freedom you otherwise never knew existed (and you will find that there are others in this journey too!).

Christ has a super-abundant life in store for you and calls each of us to live in His love daily. How will you begin stepping towards that freedom today?

We can Support You

Do you desire healing? Let us support you in the heavy lifting. We are not made to do this life alone. In fact- we are made for communion. St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body proposes how a “communion of persons” involves the Holy Trinity, and the unity of the Church (the body of Christ). The only way to cross over into this new-found freedom is to leave the “old-country” behind and enter into the “new-country” where new friendships and companionships await.

Henri J. Nouwen so eloquently says in his writings from “The Inner Voice of Love,” that we have an idea of what the new country looks like (this new place of freedom), yet we very much struggle with crossing back and forth, from “old” to “new.” He speaks about how we are quite attached to the old country as it has become part of our very bones (i.e. our foundation). He writes, “Now you have come to realize that you must leave it and enter the new country, where your Beloved dwells.” Who is he speaking of? Jesus. He goes on to indicate that what worked in the old country is no longer working now, so you are “being asked to trust that you will find what you need in the new country.” This is one of the hardest parts- the trust! Trust is so hard since you have “nothing to fall back on,” Nouwen writes. “God gives you people who help to hold you in that place and call you back to it every time you wander off.” There is no way to enter into freedom without receiving the gift of the community of others, which requires breaking down the barriers and letting love into some of the most vulnerable places of our hearts.

We are here. You are not alone and there are individuals who are willing to walk with you in whatever barrier you are struggling with and desiring freedom. You can find a list here of common struggles individuals face who are seeking healing. For most of us, it often just feels like we wear a mask most of the time and are afraid of revealing the true self. Our symptom list may offer you a name to something you have experienced or felt internally. Our Services include Individual Coaching, Couples Mentorship, and our Free Inner Healing Ministry. We also provide resources and tools (all of which are free) for individuals and families in the healing journey.

With that, we invite you to join our Mailing List so as to receive uplifting faith-filled content rooted in Catholic Theology and Sacred Scripture. Doing so will give you access to the most recent videos, blog posts, and our Monthly Newsletter: New Pathways.

Catholic Prayer for Healing

Lord, your ways are not our ways. I ask you today to help me see myself and those closest to me through your holy lense. God, heal my life! Heal my marriage! Undo what has been twisted and intervene in a way that will forever leave an impact on my life.

God, I know that you heal hurting souls and marriages. I know that you heal hurting families and broken homes. Show me the next critical steps to heal my broken heart. I desire to be restored. Be with me today as I make the choice to step forward into the light, and out of the darkness. Show me the new way you have for me to take with you, Jesus!

Join our mailing list!